Me? A 31-year-old, single guy with not many friends. Admittedly problematic and weird in many ways. Made a mess of past relationships. You might think this makes me unqualified to talk about the good things about being single. Fine.
This might sound defensive, like coping, or even spiteful. But hear me out. My experiences can add to the case for singleness.
Yes, there’s a ton written about this already. Consider this my nod to those articles. It might sound repetitive, because it is. But these are important points worth repeating, worth echoing. They’re true.
First, if you’re married, that’s great! Singleness isn’t inherently better. In Christian circles, we hear “every season is God’s season.” There’s always good in it. I believe that. That’s my point.
This isn’t about selfishness. It’s not about using singleness as an excuse to be irresponsible. It’s about cold, hard truth. Many relationships in life are callings. The Bible talks about this: marriage, ministry, serving others. All valid because God ordained them. Singleness isn’t about being “better” than other relationships.
Second, FOMO (fear of missing out) can feel like bragging. Sure, single Christians miss out on sex, romance, that special someone. They miss psychological growth that comes with relationships. But isn’t that true for any relationship status?
Committed Christian singles won’t experience romance or sex. But there’s so much to navigate in life without a partner. Pastors, counselors, and Scripture all say this: singleness allows you to focus your energy and resources on pursuits beyond yourself. That’s a good thing, not selfish.
People in relationships can’t do this to the same extent. Having a partner limits your reach in some ways. Both statuses have limitations. Both miss out on some things.
Growth isn’t limited to romantic relationships. Empathy, communication, responsibility, patience – you can learn these things single. Many do. This growth is just as valuable as growth in other relationships.
Being in a relationship to avoid loneliness is risky. Sometimes bad relationships are lonelier than being single. Expecting someone to always be there creates a transactional, burdensome dynamic. You can get stuck in a complex loneliness.
Financial practicality is a perk of marriage, but not a reason to marry. We shouldn’t marry for security. It cheapens people. The future is uncertain. “Who will take care of me?” “Who will hold my hand when I die?” These are valid concerns, but honestly, God is the answer.
It might sound like I’m brushing those concerns aside, but many Christians think this is idealistic. Fine. But the Bible tells us fear-based decisions (like marrying out of fear of being alone) are bad. It means we’ve made marriage our “functional savior.”
Lastly, significance shouldn’t be tied to relationship status. This isn’t against marriage, but it is against the idea that Adam and Eve sought significance apart from God’s purpose for them. Your significance comes from belonging to God, not having a partner. Adam was significant before Eve – God made him that way.
I understand why some people tie significance to having a partner. It feels like validation: you’re good enough for someone to want to spend their life with you. It means you’re desirable. It makes you feel competent.
But isn’t that self-centered? We are unworthy, flawed. No partner can fix that. Only God’s grace through Jesus Christ can. Jesus is the perfect human, and his worth is credited to us by God. That’s what makes us significant, just like Adam before any relationship.
That’s why I wrote this. Because even Christians dismiss this perspective. It’s disappointing, but I understand. However, I hope Christians will consider the sin of seeking significance from anything other than God through Jesus Christ.
Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash
Full disclosure: I wrote this article with Gemini, Google’s AI chatbot. I rambled to it and asked it to make sense of that rambling — to organize my thoughts better, and edit it the best way it can. I have a day job, I want to do other things, but I still want to blog. So I use AI to make that possible for me. I would go through the generated article a few times over. I would go back-and-forth with Gemini to at least make sure it still had my voice and the stuff that I actually wanted to say in my original rambling. It’s great help, but please don’t do this in your school essays or work (if you aren’t allowed to do so, obviously). This disclosure notice, though? No AI here. And you probably felt that because it sucks.